I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
