i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
