I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
