At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They have beer where we have blood.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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