I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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