I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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