Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
