I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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