Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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