If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
