"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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