So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
