last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
