we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
