why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
