Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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