I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
