Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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