Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
