I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
