Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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