I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
