i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
