she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
