so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She bit a glass in half.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
