ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
