i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
