Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
