You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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