FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just forgot I was standing up.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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