That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
