Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
