I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
