tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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