Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
