I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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