So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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