my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
