would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
zippers are such a cool invention
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
