dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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