I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
