you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
