We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
