dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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