Porn is love you can see.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
