I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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