She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
dude. I can hear the air.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
