; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I accidentally had phone sex last night
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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