Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
