You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
