The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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