So drunk its hurt
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
