That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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