I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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