just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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