Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
