Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
