Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
