And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
