If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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