The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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