Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
