We're like a lot better than the average bears
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
