My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
