Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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