he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
