Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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