sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
