Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
