its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
