can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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