bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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