Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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