i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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