He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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