Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
