update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
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We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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